Topics Include: Adultery Divorce Being a single mother

Ask the Author: Question and Response
 

I committed adultery two years ago and now my husband is doing it with a married lady. He blames me. He said if I had never done it, this wouldn't be happening. He says that he and the lady are going to get married when he divorces me and she divorces her husband. It's been one year and two months. What can I do? I'm trying to wait on the Lord. My husband doesn't care if the kids and I end up on the street. He spends all his money on her. 

- Y. V., Philadelphia, PA, USA

God’s love and trust in you is eternal and unblemished by any errors in judgment you may have perceived yourself to have ‘committed’. As much as you trust and love God, He trusts you 1,000 times more. My friend, if your child commits an error in judgment, do you love him or her any less? Does your love for your children, regardless how mischievous they get, not grow every day? When you think that there is no possible way you can love your children more, does your ever increasing love for them not surprise even you? Does their touch or a hug not immediately melt your heart? My dear friend, multiply these feelings and emotions a thousand times and you may just begin to realize God’s love and trust in you. 

I imagine when you use the phrase “I am trying to wait on the Lord” you are saying that you are trying to trust God. And that is fine. But understand, you are not just some pedestrian at a bus stop waiting for the God bus to arrive and take you to where you wish to go. And even when the bus finally arrives and you get on, it does not take you exactly where you need to go. It takes you to a general area where you decide to get off and then you walk to your final destination. My friend, take responsibility for your and your children’s destiny. 

When I was two and my brother was only 6 months old, my parents divorced. My father had come back from Vietnam with post traumatic stress. My mother would find him in the middle of the night with a knife in his mouth crawling around the living room. He started drinking heavily and doing drugs. My mother did not believe this was a safe environment for her children. She divorced him and we moved to Puerto Rico to live with my grandmother. We did not see our father for the next 30 years. Five years ago, my brother and I re-met our father, and now we have a developed a good friendship with him and see him at least once a week. He has mentioned to us that it was best that we grew up without him, because for 20 years after the divorce he was a very heavy drinker and user of drugs. This would have been an awful environment to have spent the first 20 years of my life. And for my mother’s strength, I thank and bless her every day and night. 

My sister, there is not one relationship you have ever had, be it for 50 seconds or 50 years, that has been a failure. Just as the ego-self has you take failure and pain from a past relationship, the Godself would have you take knowledge, love and forgiveness. What you decide to take from a past relationship is, in the end, a decision you choose to make, your free will.

What you physically decide to do, is in the end, a decision you must make. Work on becoming as financially independent as possible. If there is any level of trust left in your marriage, then try marriage counseling. If he won’t go for you, maybe he’ll go for your children. Regardless of what he chooses to do, work every day on becoming a stronger person - mentally, physically and spiritually. For the stronger your base, the stronger the foundation you will provide your children.

If the relationship ends, know that you will not be the first or last mother who has had to raise her children by herself. I understand the fear that you may be experiencing at the thought of raising your children by yourself. But know and understand that there are an enormous amount of successful single mothers on this planet. And there are an enormous amount of children of single parents who are doing quite well, thank you. Help alleviate your fears by researching how single parents cope, move ahead and succeed. Research what government assistance and what church and private groups are in your city that assist single mothers. Look for single mother support groups in your city. It is of extreme use to see and get to know women who have been through what you fear you might go through.

My dear friend, there is nothing that with faith and trust in yourself and in God that you can not do. There are many souls out there ready to support your growth and development and the growth and development of your children. My friend, know this, you are not alone. Continue to work on yourself, and pray for those who are ready to assist you to come forward, and they will. My friend, I know first hand that there is nothing that the love of a single mother can not accomplish. My friend, I know first hand that there is nothing that the love of a single mother can not realize, achieve or attain for her children. My dear friend, you do not yet know the strength, determination and power within you now. My dear friend, God has placed His children in your arms to hold, comfort, protect and love; do you not suppose He knows what He is doing?
 

View larger images of front & back cover 
of the great spiritual / self development book You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.