Dream Offered for Chapter Nine: The Smile
p.
220 - You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to
Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy by James Blanchard Cisneros.
While writing this
chapter on attitude, I received the following dream. This was a
non-lucid dream, meaning that while I was experiencing the dream, I had
no clue that I was dreaming nor did I have any conscious control over
the events that were occurring. Even though the dream was a non-lucid
one, the colors, emotions, environment, actions and reactions were so
shockingly realistic that when I awoke, I had no problem recalling it
and putting it down on paper. In the dream, I was an old man retelling
and reliving the story at the same time.
It was World War
II. Every day, while fighting the Nazis, my fear mastered most every
moment. I knew I was fighting the devil. I knew that every day I was in
hell. Yet, it was while in this hell that I met a very strange fellow
who surprisingly ended up becoming my best friend. One of his
peculiarities was that in the darkest of moments when things seemed
hopeless, he did three pirouettes in the air like a ballerina and landed
with the biggest smile on his face. I'm not sure what brought about that
confident smile. Was it the guys breaking up with laughter, as this two
hundred pound man danced in the air? Was it just a momentary shift into
another world? I don't know what it was, but after he landed and gave us
his smile, things became different. We began by calling it the BD/AD
effect, the before dance, after dance effect. The BD/AD effect was
upgraded to "dad" (from BD/AD which spells DAD) which was upgraded to
"father." Thus, my friend was now simply known as "father." In the
scariest of moments one could ever imagine, at times when the only
natural emotion of a sane individual was total panic and fear, at
moments when we were in hell fighting the devil - these were the times
father did three pirouettes, landed and gave us a big smile. Regardless
of the hell we were facing, the moment would be lost and all we could do
was look at each other and laugh. I had always believed that father was
a little nuts, until the day he taught me the greatest lesson I have
ever learned.
It was D-Day and a
fierce battle broke out. I was driving a tank and providing cover for my
men. It was looking very bad, and the Germans were giving us all they
had. There was no retreat today, for this was hell and we were in the
middle of it, fighting the devil 'til death. I just knew, had absolute
knowledge that, today was the day I would die!
I was overcome by
such fear during the battle that driving the tank and concentrating on
covering my men was the last thing on my mind. Like flies on a trash can
I could see, hear and feel bullets all around me, flying in every
direction. I could see men exploding into pieces, some walking around
without arms, some on the ground without legs. I felt like I had held
back Satan for a long time and that I could hold him back no longer. I,
in the most literal sense, saw myself on top of the tank holding a giant
10-foot tall, black, devilish, bat-like creature by its wings. I had
grown so tired of holding it back that I knew I could hold it back no
longer.
Father must have
felt or somehow seen on my face that I was breaking. So, in the middle
of the battle, during the worst part of the fight, he jumped on the
front upper part of the tank, did three pirouettes and landed. The third
time he landed, he did so with his face toward me. Suddenly I could see
right through him! He had taken a heavy German round in the middle of
his chest. As he leaned forward his hand gently touched my hand. Then he
fell lifeless onto the tank. Yet, when I looked at his face, I could see
that he died with a smile, a perfect heavenly smile. And for some
reason, I felt no sadness. All I could do was look at his smile. It was
as if God had come down from heaven and offered humanity one last smile.
Nothing else mattered, the beauty of his smile mesmerized me and all I
could do was look at it, smile back and cry tears of joy. It was as if
for a moment, the battle ceased and all I could see was the beauty and
perfection of all men. That is when it hit me. My mind shifted, the
devil disappeared and all I could see was heaven. Heaven was right in
front of me and I released all the fear that I had been holding all this
time. As I released it, something amazing happened. The 10-foot bat that
I was holding off did not finish me off, but as I released it, it simply
disappeared.
You see, in the
darkest moment that any human could experience, father made me smile and
think of heaven. In the darkest moment in my life, when not a drop of
sanity was left in my mind, when not a drop of love was left in my
heart, father showed me heaven. He had, in that one act, expressed to me
that I could see heaven in any action. Regardless of the physical
appearance of that action, I could see it as heaven sent. In a moment's
time, I learned that God was in every action, that God was in each
expression, that God was in each word, and that God was in each man. I
learned that even in the scariest of moments you can see and experience
God. Regardless of whether or not you thought you were in hell, you can
still choose to see and experience heaven. Regardless of whether or not
you saw your best friend blown away, you can still see God and the
kindness of all men in one smile.
In that one moment
when I should have cursed the Nazis most, I could not stop the tears
from rolling down my face, for the absolute love I felt for them. In
that one moment when I should have lost all faith in men, I gained
absolute trust that what I was seeing was not what was truly there. In
one moment's time, the devil disappeared, hell melted away and all that
was left was the kindness, gentleness, courage and the friendship of
men.
Yes, a part of me
did die that day. It was the part of me that embraced fear, the part of
me that harnessed hatred and reveled in revenge. The part of me that
died that day was the dark, lonely and lost part of me that never wanted
to live.
So with an absolute
peace, I fought and drove through the battlefield taking the rest of my
men to safety. Throughout the rest of the battle, my friend's lifeless
body laid on my tank and every time I looked at his smile, I understood
for the first time that there is God in all men. For me, there was
nothing left to ever fear. There was no one else to ever hate. For in
the darkest of hours, I found the light that exists within me.
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